let me...

i will whine...i am already whining...there's a lot of things to whine about...i'm angry...it's not healthy i know, but what the heck, it's a lot to keep in. i do not want to implode.

i started with my job earlier today. it wasn't anything i expected. it was actually everything i dreaded. i didn't get any product orientation. i didn't get any system training. i wasn't introduced to colleagues. i was mocked. i was challenged. i was...i think i am again being pushed around. i wanted to give up. i honestly want to just go home and stay there. where everyone smiles, where life's a breeze, where my heart is.

but i won't. i will stay. i will let life test me. i will learn my limits. i will keep going even if it hurts more. even if i lose face everyday. even if i want to give up every minute, every time i fail life's test, even if i start to question the worth of it all. i have made goals. everything that happens now is just another step to achieving the simple targets.

i'm boiling inside. i feel exhausted. so i know you'll understand if you'll see a lot of this emotion in the near future. we may not have the same position in my current situation. but since this is my world, what the fuck. i'll keep on whining...i don't care if you won't let me...