"Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself," wrote James Allen. Everyday I am finding myself under circumstances that are not too favorable for me. To think that it is really my own doing, the product of my train of thoughts, manifested in the formation of habits and ultimately resulted in unfavorable circumstances, does not make it any better. Although the thought that I am not totally hopeless seems to be uplifting. I am what I think, so I believe is the point of the book.
We cannot change our circumstances. So true. Yet we can change our thoughts. And the realization that these circumstances are revelations of what we truly are now scares me. I used to think I'm a person who gets by with taking crap from other people. I do it for a living, customer service line, seven years. Try to stay in this line for half a year and you'll understand that it can be hell, like a war-zone Yet I thrived. I'm not overtly proud of what I do. Yet I am secretly feeding my ego with the belief that I am good at what I do. To be cracking now is so passe. So we have good days and bad. Sure we're still human and we each have our thresholds. Sure we got our own ways to cope and probably sometimes, we just can't help but snap. It sure is not a good enough reason at all. It's a job, after all.
But what I'm now questioning is not the act of giving in to emotional outbursts that unfortunately come hand in hand with the job. Now I'm questioning the fact that I'm doing this job at all. If what I previously believed to be true, that is that I was good at this is now questionable even to the only person who actually believes this, that is me, I think it is time to question if it is still worth it. One reason some people actually put up with this is their belief in the idea that they are actually good at what they do and if that belief is shattered, then it becomes exactly what it is which is really just another crappy job conveniently there to pay bills and help them get by till the next pay day. It is true. I would not broadcast what I do to the world. But I take pride in the idea that I'm actually good at it. Now I'm in doubt. And that's when it starts to be dangerous. For a person who craves stability and security, it's very discomforting to find oneself in such a predicament.
And there's still the saying that it comes in three's, so anxiety level is on a high. I know it's not right to be wallowing in selfish thoughts about the possibilities that may happen with the temporary loss of cool and snapping of threads, when the Japanese people are suffering over the the natural catastrophe, the earthquake and tsunami. But when I am presented with paths that may possibly determine my mission or my legend, forgive me but I'd like to take time and consider.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
...old school...
Old school is cool. That's a notion I've always had. I remember the term always used in contexts that figure in the cool category. It's associated with cool alternative music we listened to while we're still in school, the nonchalant hippie attire that cool people wear or the snobbish who-gives-a-damn attitude that cool people have.
But when I was looking for a term that meant backward-looking, surprisingly old school turned up.
I was only referring to going back to posted mail or snail mail in the era of hi-tech communication. With the inherent convenience of e-mail and text messaging, communicating by snail mail definitely qualifies as backward-looking, at least for me. It is slow, it's tedious and may seem just down right absurd sometimes. Make that doubly more so to a person who hasn't sent a letter by post in over a decade.
It doesn't help that most of what people receive by mail are just bills anyway. So I am not a fan of mailed letters. Yet I know a friend who may be. Some people still believe that a handwritten letter is more personal, intimate even. That part I'd have to agree. Yes, it is indeed more so because of the effort put to it. Writing a letter by hand is time consuming making it more special, I guess. Plus the physicality of holding a piece of paper, maybe even touching the words written, adds to the drama. It works well in movies. Receiving a handwritten letter is always uplifting, be it expected or not.
But it's funny that the thought of sending one can be very daunting for me. It is not solely to be blamed on my lethargy, though it's also a great factor. It is because of my ignorance of the process.
Sending a letter by post in Singapore is very simple, that is if it's already your second time to do it. Unfortunately for me, the opportunity to learn the process never presented itself before. And I never pursued the knowledge as I never thought it was necessary. So I had to fumble my way though my first. I know I looked awfully dumb asking my friends how to do it, and they in turn trying their best to impart their knowledge, in vain as what they say just fall on deaf ears, with me having no clue at all.
"You can buy the stamps from the automated machine. Just follow the instructions. It would ask which country you're sending to, show you the rates and you can pay via Nets. Very simple." These are self automated machines that people use to pay their bills; utility, phone etc. So you can only imagine the long queues on a good day. With the infamous patience of people from around here, it doesn't take a minute before you hear grunts from behind you wondering why you're taking so long. I gave it a shot. Yes. One attempt. Very simple instructions indeed. A five year old may very well have been the one who gave out the instructions. It's quite wanting, really, especially for someone who claims to be forward-looking. I left the machine and googled the nearest post office.
Old school way of buying stamps. Just go back to the basics, that is if you need to send a letter, visit the nearest post office for stamps and for the drop box as well. Old school eh? Really cool. I'll leave the SAM for another day, if I get a reply.
But when I was looking for a term that meant backward-looking, surprisingly old school turned up.
I was only referring to going back to posted mail or snail mail in the era of hi-tech communication. With the inherent convenience of e-mail and text messaging, communicating by snail mail definitely qualifies as backward-looking, at least for me. It is slow, it's tedious and may seem just down right absurd sometimes. Make that doubly more so to a person who hasn't sent a letter by post in over a decade.
It doesn't help that most of what people receive by mail are just bills anyway. So I am not a fan of mailed letters. Yet I know a friend who may be. Some people still believe that a handwritten letter is more personal, intimate even. That part I'd have to agree. Yes, it is indeed more so because of the effort put to it. Writing a letter by hand is time consuming making it more special, I guess. Plus the physicality of holding a piece of paper, maybe even touching the words written, adds to the drama. It works well in movies. Receiving a handwritten letter is always uplifting, be it expected or not.
But it's funny that the thought of sending one can be very daunting for me. It is not solely to be blamed on my lethargy, though it's also a great factor. It is because of my ignorance of the process.
Sending a letter by post in Singapore is very simple, that is if it's already your second time to do it. Unfortunately for me, the opportunity to learn the process never presented itself before. And I never pursued the knowledge as I never thought it was necessary. So I had to fumble my way though my first. I know I looked awfully dumb asking my friends how to do it, and they in turn trying their best to impart their knowledge, in vain as what they say just fall on deaf ears, with me having no clue at all.
"You can buy the stamps from the automated machine. Just follow the instructions. It would ask which country you're sending to, show you the rates and you can pay via Nets. Very simple." These are self automated machines that people use to pay their bills; utility, phone etc. So you can only imagine the long queues on a good day. With the infamous patience of people from around here, it doesn't take a minute before you hear grunts from behind you wondering why you're taking so long. I gave it a shot. Yes. One attempt. Very simple instructions indeed. A five year old may very well have been the one who gave out the instructions. It's quite wanting, really, especially for someone who claims to be forward-looking. I left the machine and googled the nearest post office.
Old school way of buying stamps. Just go back to the basics, that is if you need to send a letter, visit the nearest post office for stamps and for the drop box as well. Old school eh? Really cool. I'll leave the SAM for another day, if I get a reply.
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