making sense of whatever that doesnt really have any point at all is really stupid. when one believes something to be wrong in the first place, yet pursues it for whatever reason one can come up with, then finding out in the end that the original stand stands and cannot be refuted, there really is nothing more stupid than to have to tell it to one's face that you already knew, especially if that face is yours and that you are talking to yourself. told you so.
this is stupid. probably in the future, this is nothing but another joke to be laughed at. yet for it to find its place here means it is something to be remembered. probably not with tearjerking nostalgia, probably with dread and hate, yet such emotions are still significant since they balance the good and sweet. yes, this episode is bitter. an eye opener to the naive. an experience of the forgotten, or possibly the unknown.
for all the lies we are living, all the stench we keep containing, for all the good that we deny...cheers to fate and the universe...for everything we thought ourselves to be, we are still fleas finding our bunnies, dusts waiting to settle, feathers flowing in the wind...
yes this is to love and bitterness...and having a 3 week love affair with constant midnight conversations, climaxed by an overseas weekend honeymoon, memorable despite an abrassive dawn...how amazing to feel loved, how brazen to question...it was like heaven...
til you accept the facts...til the pieces begin to fit...til you come face to face with your demons...and you get to know yourself and what youre capable of...til you start to hate how low you can bend and how much crap you can take...and what hope really means and how stronger it really is than what they call love....til you start to feel used, and how everything feels wrong and that nothing actually makes sense.
yes this is the bitter from the sweet. out of the 3 weeks of seemingly endless joy, skyhigh bills and the devil may care less take on everything...youre willing to put up with 3 months of sorrow and sadness...youre willing to know pits of despair unknown to even the saddest clown...and the pinnacle of it is that you dont know how to turn your back to bid goodbye...you're still counting the months...and hope hasnt departed...though you would want it otherwise...you really do want it otherwise...if its only to save face...if its only to avoid disgrace...or only to sleep peacefully again...
i really want my undisturbed sleep...cause it's really stupid to hang on to hope...where clearly there is none.
