wasted...

I got drunk last night. Tiger beer. It's not cheap getting drunk in a foreign country, especially if one is still in the habit of converting currencies. But after awhile, say three years, one chooses not to be bothered with conversion rates. Sometimes, a person just has to do what he's gotta do, like be drunk and probably have some decent conversation on the side.

Talk about politics, talk about work, talk about future plans and... talk about dreams. I am going to Brazil. That's a dream to be realized in four years' time. That was just a thought that suddenly found its words while I was gulping down a bottle of beer. One very recent addition to a bucket list that seems to be growing longer each day. It appears like all I've been doing recently is just rot away, never giving any thoughts for childhood dreams that I've so fancied back in the days. Whatever happened to the enthusiasm and drive to tick off one by one the things I needed and wanted to get done before I die? It seems like I dropped them when I jumped off that crane in Thailand to cross off Bungee jumping from my list. Could it be that I'm only good for 1 entry off my list? Or could it be that my list is just a total waste of time, yet only half as good as the time I spend getting drunk and wasted?

It's probably because of the rat race called adulthood, where one is trapped in a vicious cycle of growing molds while waiting for the pay check to clear bills. There is no doubt money is  great factor to consider when it comes to crossing out some entries on my list. Money- probably the reason I left home thinking I could make more if I took off and finding out now that I'm actually spending more and wasting more with GST on everything I buy and everything else costing thrice as much from where I came from.

It will be unacceptable to come to a point in the future when one realizes that his time is up and yet his Bucket list appears as brand new as that of a kid's only starting to build dreams and with nothing done, nothing crossed out, nothing achieved. If that realization will be mine in the future, I could not even begin to imagine how I will be feeling.

So my drunken moments have yielded yet another awakening; that I am a long way from getting a life well lived, one with the least regrets as possible, one with most of my to-do things done. I've yet to jump off a plane and succumb to gravity hanging on a parachute, yet to buy my dream sandals which I've only been putting off indefinitely because of the seeming irrationality behind the purchase- I always feel it is sold more than it is worth. I've yet to pen some thoughts with social relevance to actually have a chance to be printed in my country's paper, something a fifteen year old can actually do.

I may be getting wasted on a regular basis but these wasted moments sometimes give me a chance to reflect and think back on a seemingly wasted yet still glorious past- wasted only because I have no power to change it, and a future that's full of possibilities and dreams to be ticked off a Bucket list. 

I guess it's not a waste after all. Or could it be the Tiger from last night, and that I'm still only just too wasted?