when all the universe conspires in your favor, and you've always believed that when such an occurence happens, then evrything is meant to be,yet in hindsight your gut tells you otherwise, can you get any more confused than i am now?
it's just crazy that i've always wanted another chance, another piece of Singapore other than what i am having at the moment. if we scroll on the archives of this blog, the entry on my current provider of bread and butter cannot be missed. and so is my dismay and displeasure of it. yet im still there. so i havent got anymore entries on the subject as i feel it is pointless to keep on ranting about it when im not doing anything to change my predicament.
today i was given a chance though. ive been throwing applications for the past year, well, since i started working in Singapore, to all companies that have job vacancies in my field. i was invited for an interview, and i went today. i do not like interviews. i abhor having to explain myself to anyone, much less a condescending interviewer, i mean all interviewers are just patronizing, for me.
the whole universe seemed to be backing me up from when this chance of a lifetime came knocking on my door. it started with a then colleague, who had a stint with my current company for around a month. the moment she realized what she got into, she probably felt for us who were there, and she just offered to forward our resumes to her previous company. so she did. a month after she left, they called. i chose my offday to come for the interview. that is today. since i despise interviews, they make me throw up with fear, i had to keep busy. got all drunk last night so i can sleep well, cleaned the house this morning so my mind won't wander and think of possible questions that would stress me up. it was all good. the weather was so unforgivingly hot yet when the time came for me to walk under the sun, it was suddenly overcast. being so bad with directions, the venue was surprisingly easy to spot. being so bad with estimating travel time, i actually arrived 15 minutes early. being the shy type by nature, someone had to be there by the door the moment i needed to go in. everything was so perfect, like it was all written.
then i had to take the exam. i thought i heard it took only 15 minutes. it was an hour's time and boy i never realized an hour could go by so quickly! i do not remeber the last time i wasn't able to finish a test. and this was in one of my most beloved and thought to be my strongest line; english. was i wrong! i felt like all my brain soldiers died after the exam. they tried so hard but one part, specifically part 3 was just a massacre. they had no chance. and i was just ready to walk away. but i had to see it through the end. and that i did. what's left of my battalion, towards the end of the 2 and a half hour ordeal, no matter how brave and courageous they were, had all given up. the white flag was all over my forhead. i could not take it anymore.
the morale of this piece? it's not always up to the whole universe to hand evrything we want in a platter, ready for us to take. sometimes, we must be ready to stand up and really want to take ownership of something we desire.
it's still so much easier the other way around though if you ask me. lol. after all, even after such a disgraceful afternoon, in the deepest trenches of my heart, i still hope that the universe knows better...
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